Liking people, empathy, is about giving. Liking to be with people, gregariousness, is about taking. Not one and the same. When you like people, you want to help people. You want to make people feel good. You want to contribute to people. You want to elevate people. You care about people's emotions, well-being. When you like people, it's all about others, not about you. When you like to be with people, it's about you. It's about taking. When you like to be with people, it's because people entertain you. Or because people are helpful to you. Or because there's some benefit emotional, financial, social, some kind of benefit to you from being around people. So the motivational background is completely different. Actually, people who like people, people who are empathetic, and compassionate, considerate, and affectionate, people who are capable of loving and caring for people, sometimes, they are schizoid, sometimes they are not very sociable, but when they come across someone, they're empathic. While people who like to be with people, very often are misanthropic. They actually hold other people in contempt. They are very critical of other people. But being with other people, spending time with other people, socializing with other people, has its benefits. So they do. It's a form of hypocrisy. They are hypocritical. OK, narcissists do not like people. Get it once and for all. Get rid of your malignant optimism. Narcissists do not like people as a matter of principle because they consider themselves superior to other people. They regard any time spent with people as a total waste of time unless there is some pretty fine utterly clear unambiguous, unequivocal benefit. Otherwise, they regard people as disposable objects, the way you would regard your razor blade. OK, but many narcissists, actually the majority of narcissists, are gregarious. In other words, they like to socialize. They are extroverted. They like to be with people. And why is that? Because people are the only sources of narcissistic supply or the best source of narcissistic supply. It is only by socializing with people that the narcissist can extract narcissist supply from people. I have always said in my entire work over the last three decades that narcissists are not antisocial. They are not antisocial. They are not psychopaths. Narcissists are prosocial. They are communal. They seek other people because of what they can extract from these people, what they can get from these people. They are focused on getting. They are focused on taking from other people. But in order to take something from another person you need to be in company of that other person.
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